It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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