Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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