My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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