Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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