i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
