My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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