i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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