1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
