At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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