Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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