so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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