am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
