I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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