Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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