I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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