he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
