I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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