kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
