I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
