Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need a beard to bite.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
