apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
