Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
