It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
