Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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