i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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