Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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