I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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