Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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