I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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