i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
COCAINE IS GR8
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
