so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
