I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need to align my fucking chakras
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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