the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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