Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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