We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
