Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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