Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
