i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
