I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
