textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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