The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
