bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
