why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
