It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
