I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
