is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
