I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.