I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
