In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse