there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
