but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
