no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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