you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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