Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
