He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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