She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
