who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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