I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
