got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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