i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
