Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
