I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
