Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
