i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
