I wish I could punch you in the face.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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