so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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