you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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