Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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