I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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