When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
