At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
