Whod you bang
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
