i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
