wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
