I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
