If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
