We're facebook friends in real life
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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