She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
