I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
