I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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