People in love make me want to vomit
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
