Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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