I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
