9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
